Monday, November 14, 2011

Uh Oh Politics: Andrew Breitbart

I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned this but the circumstances of my life have forced to me to have a somewhat decent familiarity with politics. It’s not that I mind. Politics are fascinating and it’s fun to go from thinking about games that ultimately don't matter (video games) to games that do (elections). What with the spectacle of idiocy that is the Republican search for their presidential candidate continuing to… continue, this is as good a time as any to maybe start writing more stuff about this nonsense.

Also, everyone should know that I’m incredibly biased. I’m not going to pretend I’m not liberal. I’m not really going to try to be fair. What else is a blog for than to just write down your opinions anyway? Just know that going in.

What’s the actual topic of this post? The speech given by Andrew Breitbart, a reverse-Michael Moore-ish figure and creator of conservative blogs like "Big Hollywood", "Big Journalism" and "Big Government", I had recently had the pleasure of listening to.

The most bizarre thing was that while Breitbart kept insisting that liberals use tactics like calling others racists and homophobes to distract from policy issues, Breitbart never really brought up any policy issues himself so neither will I. I guess all I can do is share some of the most interesting observations.

The audience was all old people.

Breitbart used to be liberal and Arianna Huffington used to be conservative. It was during one of those conversions that the “Huffington Post” was born.

Breitbart would occasionally make these strange, unfunny jokes about his Hispanic sister and Chaz Bono and Kurt Cobain's death and “twiddlefingers” and porn and Jon Stewart.

Of course Occupy Wall Street and their lack of work ethic was discussed but that also went off into weird comments about the uselessness and hilarity of women, and multiculturalism and “queer studies” and how education and the lamestream media are controlled by a Marxist conspiracy.

People applauded for illiteracy.

Bankers are an ethereal concept.

One clearly young and clearly dude had his hand raised the whole time but never got to ask his question. Instead, questions were written on cards and Breitbart got to pick which one  he would entertain.

Super relevant figures like Dennis Miller were discussed.

I’m still staring at my notes trying to understand the Coca-Cola analogy he was trying to make.
Calling white people crackers wasn’t a bad joke but unfortunately that led into a discussion on how the NAACP is actually racist and that Herman Cain and Clarence Thomas somehow aren’t terrible. Also, he was such a hipster because he liked Herman Cain before it was cool.

Liberals are cruel fascists (of course not overly touchy-feely do-nothings) who ruined Los Angeles and hate the internet because it promotes freedom.

When multiculturalism and political correctness run amok and pit people against each other, everyone suffers but mostly white men. YOU POOR WHITE MEN.

“Sorry your education sucks.”

“Every day it’s like Christmas when someone else gets raped at Occupy Wall Street.”

My takeaway? Breitbart is kind of like a second-rate Glenn Beck and I mean that as a compliment because while they are both really, really wrong and terrible, Breitbart isn’t as theatrical or outright crazy. The one nice thing about being one of the only liberals at a college Republican event is at least people don’t constantly interrupt someone they agree with, except to cheer. That way I can hear the pure insanity uninterrupted unlike at the health care town hall meeting I went to back in 2009. In any case, those who want to know about the latest hypocritical Hollywood homosexual agenda should keep tabs on this guy and his websites.

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