Why Did I Eat This?: McDonald's Mighty Wings

I’m living in New York City now, home of countless wonderful little authentic restaurants. I’ll get to those later though. This post is about McDonald’s new chicken wings.


-How weird is the idea of McDonald’s food with bones? Not even the elusive McRib can claim that, just weird, bone-shaped portions of meat.

-The Mighty Wings name recalls the Mighty Kids meals, Happy Meals but aimed at nebulously older kids for some reason.

-They are big though, a lot of that is due to breading, but the breading is decent. I probably like more breading on fried chicken than most but this has a nice spice to it. Not Popeye’s level, or quality, of spice though.

-I was expecting an ocean of grease based on early reports so I was glad to discover it’s more like a mid-sized lake.

-I haven’t had chicken McNuggets in like a decade, but these wings basically taste like how I remember those tasting. That’s not good.

-Even with the included buffalo sauce, these aren’t really Buffalo wings. They’re just subpar, typical McDonald’s fried chicken now with bones in them. As a proud member of #TeamBoneless nothing about that is appealing.

The fact of the matter is, the only chicken creations from a non-chicken-focused fast food place that were ever any good were the Burger King chicken fries. Their unjust demise continues to leave a gaping void in the culinary universe that these McDonald’s wings, despite their supposed “might,” can’t even begin to fill.


3 stars

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Why Did I Eat This?: Gorilla Munch

As my sophomore year of college was beginning to come to an end, I began feeling an odd yet unfortunately familiar sensation. It seemed that my jimmies had become quite rustled. It was an understandable rustling. Finals and the thought of leaving my friends and the dorm I had lived in for the past two years were pretty good reasons to check my jimmy status off as “rustled.” So I prayed to the gods for guidance and their advice was so obvious I was a fool for not considering it sooner. All I simply had to do was walk down to my local Whole Foods, buy a box of “Gorilla Munch” cereal, eat that shit and hope that my jimmies would soon be soothed. Here are my thoughts.

Much like its Amazon reviews had led me to believe, Gorilla Munch is pretty much Kix but not as good. The taste is there but it lacks that cereal’s airy crunchiness and the mouth feel/texture suffers as a result. Beyond that though it makes for a fine balanced breakfast and works for snacking throughout the day too. Also worth mentioning is that it is and always has been gluten-free, according to the box at least. Oh, and as for the so-called “le monkey face” when you see it in-person it still straddles that magical line between well-drawn and not. Most importantly though, the munch had unrustled not only my jimmies but the jimmies of my entire suite. As they say, “a box on the table keeps the jimmies stables.”

3 stars

Why Did I Eat This?: Doritos Locos Tacos

Even in the dignity-free zone of fast food, presentation matters. It just matters in a different way. Take a look at KFC for example. There’s nothing ridiculous about eating two pieces of fried chicken, some cheese and some bacon but when you assemble them all into a sandwich where the chicken becomes the bun the end product, the infamous Double Down, is absolutely ridiculous. Considering this is the same establishment that also brought us the Famous Bowl it’s no wonder that the idea of them putting out a borderline inedible chicken skin sandwich was a pretty convincing joke.

bag not included

Not to be outdone, Taco Bell, a sister restaurant of KFC ironically enough, has recently rolled out their own absurd new menu item: The Doritos Locos Taco. It’s a taco with a Dorito chip for a shell. It’s almost if the collective fantasy of Taco Bell’s 75% late-night stoner customer base came true at once. Being a fan of both of those foods though, I decided to give it a shot. Being a fan of reporting on ridiculous things, I’ve deiced to review it here.

Much like the Double Down and Famous Bowl before it, the idea of the Doritos Locos Taco is much more ludicrous in theory than it is in execution. If the shell actually was just one big Dorito that would be crazy but that really isn't the case. The shell is basically your standard Taco Bell shell in terms of shape, crunchiness and consistency. It’s only the powder that makes it remotely Dorito-like and even that is milder than a proper Dorito. This is the only way it could’ve worked though as pure, uncut Dorito flavor would have been far too overwhelming when combined with an already flavorful taco. By having the shell be more of a Dorito-inspired experience, it creates a nice balance of pseudo-Mexican cuisines. For all of the “hype” though, it really is not too different from a standard taco. It’s not bad, but it isn’t so much better that I see it becoming my primary Taco Bell purchase from here on out.

3 stars







yes, ironic food reviews, this is where I am now.